The Phoenix

2009-02-05T11:19:00.000-05:00

The Beginning of The END

As she sat staring at herself in the mirror she was sure she was looking not at herself but another being, this was not her, it could not be! She was calm even seemed to be sure of herself like she belonged. She laughed a bitter laugh and started sobbing; it’s the pregnancy she kept telling herself in answer to the voice in her head. So what is the big shot lawyer afraid of a little foetus that is not even yet born or is she really afraid of herself of what she really is in the end, an empty shell, a void it seemed to be laughing at her. "I am going mad" her voice shocks her back to reality, she is in her bedroom sitting on her bed, she gets the urge to smash the bloody mirror against the wall. The urge is feels like a physical pain in the pit of her stomach, but instead she sets it down quietly in the bedside cabinet. Her watch reads half past two in the afternoon, she must have been sitting here for three hours but all she remembers are last moments of those three hours. She gets up goes down stairs and picks up her car keys she will go for a drive maybe that will clear her head Lord knows she needs the distraction.......

2008-11-17T10:57:00.002-05:00

To Be Or???

It has been many months since i have even bothered to glance let alone write on this little hell hole i call home, i have been running for so long that my shoes are worn and my mind is weary yet this, this coming home feels me with peace. One can only ask how long will this last.

I thought i had an epipahny only to realize that i have had a migraine for 3 straight days now its forgotten clarity before a blackout...........

2008-01-17T09:32:00.000-05:00

Tagged by EGM

The RULES;

1)WE HAVE TO POST THESE RULES BEFORE WE GIVE YOU THE FACTS.

2)PLAYERS START WITH 8 RANDOM FACTS/HABITS ABOUT THEMSELVES.

3)PEOPLE WHO ARE TAGGED NEED TO WRITE THEIR OWN BLOG AND THEIR 8 THINGS AND POST THESE.

4) AT THE END OF YOUR BLOG POST, YOU NEED TO CHOOSE 8 PEOPLE TO GET TAGGED AND LIST THEIR NAMES.(BE afraid, be very afraid!!!!!!!!!)

5)DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE THEM A COMMENT TELLING THEM THEY ARE TAGGED, AND TO READ YOUR BLOG

Am not so sure about tagging others seeing as that i had hope never to be tagged meself, so that rule is broken already i also choose to break rule number 4.

1. First thing about me, is that i choose in my inane quest to be "unique" to break each and every conventional rule out there if i cant break i can bend it. First rule i broke was that if anything i shall never be unique i want to be normal.

2. I simply adore cinammon, in my coffee in my tea in my cake....blah blah blah.

3. I read alot.

4. My sense of humour is out of this world. Litterally!!!

5. I love food.

6. I cant stand soaps, series of ati season 1, 2....

7. I dont watch much tv.

8. I have bunjee jumped, and yes its the most scariest shyt ever and i would do it again.

So there goes 8 things about me and now i feel quite naked after revealing so much.

2008-01-04T11:32:00.000-05:00

KENYA.

Today, i weep for a nation nearly lost, i say nearly because for once i choose to be optimistic and think that we as a nation are bigger than this. Bigger than cheating politicians beacuse they have cheated us out of loved ones lost in this senseless killing and anger.

I pray that today will be different and that when passions have been quelled we wount be too far gone to be saved, not by others but by ourselves, by the communities that we have lived in all our lives, by our sense and feeling of brethrenhood. All emotions and anger justified or not we can surely do better than this?

2007-05-31T23:00:00.002-04:00

AM BACK.

OK yani sijui niseme i have so many excuses and most are very valid, i have missed blogging sana tena, thats all i can say now though wacha i ask since i got tagged what am i supposed to do? BTW i cant do a podcast or a video so dont no body be giving me such tags pliizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. BANTU ICH MZEE EGM PRINCESS AM BACK YOU ALLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-25T14:01:00.000-04:00

TO FLY OR NOT TO FLY.....

I stand accused of laziness and I plead erm well lets jus say I contest this allegation strongly, well I was going to write about how Miss took a solo flying lesson on an icy Monday morning that was a couple of weeks back. Lakini I have a question, what does one feel according to most people in a near death experience? See I was in an accident f sorts, we were traveling to another town and there was a blizzard and we lost control in the highway and did around 3 360 degree spins on a two lane highway. Apart from sharp in takes of breath no one screamed and when we came to a stop we just did a 3 point turn and off we were. We were lucky because due to the blizzard cars were really far spaced and everyone was keeping their distance. Our driver went into around 5 minutes of shaky laughter and rumblings one of the other gals went mute sitting erect and looking straight ahead. Another held on to the coat rack****you know the thing that people weka their jackets and hang it hapo ehe that one**** and me this is what puzzles me I felt nada apart from the first instance where there was just a tint jolt of WHAT THE HELL!!!! Don’t get me wrong the adrenalin rush was massive. The whole episode has my pal the driver thinking me needs to see a shrink ama get some religious guidance coz death is scary according to her. Personally I think death should not be scary at all, so that is what I had really wanted to ask, what is your take on death? And do you agree of disagree with me that when people morn the dead it’s a selfish act. I say this because if say they morn because the deceased left them, isn’t that they morn for their own loss and not that of the deceased? Also why is it so rare to find a person who can smile when they remember a dead relative, friend sibling parent etc. Does death over shadow the rest of their whole life?

On to “lighter” matters well in my last post I introduced you guys to Miss X, the diva extreme well on a certain very icy Monday during the lunch break as I was sitting gulping down my coffee and many donuts****if you ask me that is a healthy lunch****** Miss X was walking back if you ask me she looked like she had been feeding on goat hooves its the only time you see her smiling as she walks back to work, well in this day she had a very broad smile and a swagger of sort to her walk you know the am giddy happy kind where people walk with light steps that exudes to the outsides. Let me just say yani she looked transformed this was the mama that will suck teeth and keep sucking for like a full minute yeah mpaka you think all the saliva is finished na the mdomo has been turned into a miniature sahara desert. Well as she was walking gaily on air the worst thing that can ever happen to a diva happened to my dear Miss X wacha I tell you, one leg did those karete moves where the leg tries to do a 90 degree angle to the waist yeah that one but Miss X in all her voluptuousness could not handle that so the other leg followed the first one. In that instance it was her first flying lesson and flew she did I KID YOU NOT!!! Yani because of the body mass she was flung erm I mean flew a short distance. Here comes my confessions the confession of a mad crazy mind see when Miss X was in the air from the minute her first leg t its first karate lesson to the minute she mad contact with earth everything kinda moved in slow motion so in my mind this is how it played out coz I was wondering what she was thinking the whole time****don’t judge me pwiissssss***

Oh I looks so good today yes I do (first leg flies up wards) OH dear God who is that screaming (it was her btw second leg goes up)”Houston we have achieved lift off” some one catch me**teeth sucking I mean major teeth sucking**** and then there is Houston flight is in danger mayday!!!! mayday!!!! Houston flight cannot be sustained I repeat cannot be sustained Houston we are going dowwwwwwwwwwwwn” AAAAAAAAAAAAAA*insert shocked scream**

That scream shocked me back to reality and I had to run to washroom and laugh in there coz some old lady was giving me the evil eye when I started to laugh papo hapo**always wanted to say that*** Miss X if ever you come across this page and read it pliz pretty pliz you can do anything but take it to heart it was funny if you had been me you would have laughed too, see I knew you would be a good sport and understand.

2007-03-02T21:30:00.000-05:00

NEW START?

Well i have been kinda quite for a while and i have a very good reason, see its a new job and that means new rules to adjust to, new people to deal with, new ways to work.......trying to figure out how you can incooperate you uni work as you work, yani its like multitasking to the max. It turns out "they" my employers had another idea yani its milk her for all she has before she decides to flee, flee you ask??? wacha i tell you why you would want to flee. Have you ever been just sitting in your ka offisi and next thing kuna vyoo(glass) ya gari zina ***i lie*** it was windscreens and bonnets, yeah you got it right watu walikuwa wana pigana" and there was the "No weapons allowed on premises" after kuuliza i get told ati kuna msee alikam na chuma(gun), and since then i have been seriously thinking of tendering my resgination. Alafu kuna the thing with all the damn youth vuating bangi yani mpaka you wonder if the smell is left on you nguo.

OK am done ranting.

On vale after the meeting people just sat around ehe coz ni vale and people should just sit and talk kubaff wote, so we sat with coffee mugs(mine looks like a birika) that was me and greg***the addicts**** the rest na maji, i say to heck with water is good for you. Wacha i stop digressing, so watu were talking about how women expect men to treat them all princessy and buy kila kitu, so this mama whom i shall not name for fear of getting sat on. Have you ever met someone and you jua mess with 'em and next thing yani hata wathii wount hear you screams, well this mama is that kind, and her thayos eish they can crack a peannut, yani that's how close and well built they are(Nani if you read this all that was said as a compliment).

This mama, as watu were busy yapping about how no ati they aint the kinda gal who expects to be pampered she was all quite and had something sort of a sneer on her face, and then she sucks her teeth si u jua how people just go something like msssshhhhhqhhs(aki that is how i think it should be written down). I and the rest of the group turn to look and kila mtu knows this habit if hers, so there is me looking at her with shock and awe mainly coz she was sucking so hard i was waiting to see her lips give in to the sanction. BTW that did not happen, and she says " eh me?? me Miss X NOOOO my man has to treat me Good" and then went back to sucking teeth. Yani its straight face hakuna kicheko well not from her atleast the rest of us were busy cluthing our ribs. Some dude ask's her why and she reply's with some more sucking and a very loud unplesant EH!!!!!. Someone told her if she expects that, she had better be ready to say how high when she gets asked to jump, Miss X hands akimbo says "who me? index finger on the udders she stole from some freshian(sp)***some sucking**** I DON'T THINK SO". There were people on the floor laughing coz this mama would talk and weka sura ya kazi like concrete i tell you.

BTW this post is work in progress and since saa hii sina tyme i shall maliza kesho.But there is this here gem that i patad as i was cleaning out my mail.

POOR JABU.

Jabu walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a while his teacher got worried and asked him
about it. Jabu's answer was: "Our house is very small
miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep in the
same bed. Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you
sleeping?' Then I say 'no' and then he donners me and
gives me a black eye."

So the teacher says to him, "when your father asks
again, keep dead quiet and don?t answer". The
following morning Jabu comes to school and his eye is
fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief.

But the day after that Jabu comes back with a black
eye again.

"My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"

He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again... 'Jabu are
you sleeping?... and I shut up and kept dead still.
Then my father and my mother started doing... you
know, mos... 'IT' on the bed. Then my father asks my
mother: 'Are you coming?' then my mom says, 'Yes I'm
coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered ...
'Yes'.

Not wanting to get left behind, I also answered and
said 'wait for me, I'm also coming, let me just put on
my shoes!' THAT'S WHEN I WAS MOERED!!!"

2007-02-11T13:41:00.000-05:00

HER STORY.

I once met this girl, sweetest girl you met, i know it sounds like a cliche but she was the kind that are quite, never say too much rarely annoy you or speak ill of others that last bit kinda facsinated me. I mean there was this other girl who was such a nag and a pain in the rear, and she sorta liked picking on the quite one. Watching her make rude remarks and sneers was enough to make you want to gag, but since i did not know any one of them, it used to serve as a free movie of sorts***i know its real mean to see some one getting picked on and doing nothing but my defence is i stood up for a her a couple of times and the last time she said to quote her "I dont need you help OK"****** and later on i once asked her why she never told the scorpion**class nickname for the nag*** to butt off and she said that the scorpoin needs an outlet too.

We ended in the as a two team onion growing force as i liked to call it, it was our agriculture project. She was a good sport if you over looked the fact that she had no idea how to weed or get our little shamba ready for the onions, neither did i but after countless panos where me and the school fork jembe formed an intimate realtionship i was better prepared.

Two weeks into our project we were working like a well oiled machine, she only spoke to me if i asked or said something and some of my friends told me to ask for a new teammate. But i kinda liked the silence it remined me of faima they were worlds apart coz faima was so sunny, always smilling, always up to something and never listening to a word i said, while she on the other hand rarely smiled she was also very shy and she never looked at anyone straight, diffrence is faima learned to be quite and she well she seemed liek she was born quite.

School closed but we had to come in every afternoon to water our onions a task hated but that had to be done, during this time bicpets and tricepts were compared and jocked about even the blisters from the jerry cans(sp) became such a norm people stopped complaining and talking about them too much.

Evertime we were done watering i left, i asked her to come but she said wanted to rest, so i left with some other others girls and they said she leaves at around 6 every day and that wierd would not suffice to descirbe her, i told them they were jerks, i walked home alone.

The next day i stayed behind with her, i sat sketching, she sat with her book, we left at 6 walked home not talking. This went on for two weeks, and school was almost back,i was not sure i had any friends left, but i was ok anyways they talked too much.

"He was my teacher".......huh "did you say something" i asked her, "He was my teacher he was wearing a checkered shirt and had on some khaki pants i was 5 years old."

She was looking at me, and she did not look sad nor had any expressions but i did not want to hear what she had to say, so i said nothing to encourage her, i just kept on sketching.

"I can still fell his hands on me his nail scratched my thighs its scratched me there too, he then took my hand and made me hold his D***, i was scared i wanted to run but he was holding my hand so tight. He asked me if i liked it, i shook my head, then he slapped me. I remember i running and that is it."

Did you tell you mom or dad, this was me asking, but she said she did not remember anything else, why, how come and did you still go back to that school? she did not remember all that, all she remembers is moving to our ka village a few months later.

I wanted to say i was sorry for her, but after the i dont need you help stint i doubted that she wanted my pity, so i kept quite, and i asked her what she wanted me do? she said nothing.

Me:Did it only happen once?
Her:Yes and no,
Me:Ok, but you only remember the first time?
Her:It wasnt him the second time.

I had no idea what to say, so all i said was "oh ok"? and she just smiled and told me if i was uncomfotable she would be quite.

If i was uncomfortable? me why, i was angry with myself for being such a fummbling idiot but think as hard as i could i had nothing btter that "oh ok" to say.

She said that her cousin had been nicer and had only molested her when was dead asleep all she knows is that everynight she went to sleep in in her room and the next morning she woke up bila underpants, the first time she thought it was her own forgetfullness, the second time she woke up with someone on top her with a hand on her mouth. She told her mom her mom, her mom told her dad, her dad scolded them and they beat her her up,when her folks weren't home for telling lies. So she just kept quite.

The worst bit was her cousin was back in town and he was acting as though he never did any wrong and it was bothering her because she was scared he might try and do something again.

That day we walked home me silent coz i had no idea what to say that would not come out dumb and foolish or crass for that matter. I just told her that she could count on me for anything, and she told me that i should promise to one day tell her story.
I had no idea what that meant and i did not ask, i just made a promise that i have no kept.

School opened and she did not come the first week, on that friday she killed herself. Everyone thought it was tragic and sad. I had a promise to keep, so i decided to volonteer, right now i work at this shelter for abused women, everyday it feels like i take abit of their pain with me, like i loose abit of my soul everytime i am unable to help someone because i feel i have failed and that i have let her die again, i cant even tell her story realy well, it seems all am good or is fummbling about.

I still promise to tell your story i just need to be ready for it

2007-02-04T20:32:00.000-05:00

MEANDERING THOUGHTS.

A senseless mind, without thought, abandon and wrecking havoc, not in this world, not in my world. Numb from the silence its so very loud, i want it to stop, i simply just cant take it any more, i scream huh what no sound? i scream louder!!! why cant i hear my scream, i roll my tongue in my mouth yep its there, why roll my tongue i ask myself do i really require it for screaming? Whats the point any ways i have my tongue and yet still there is no sound........

The silence is growing serenading my senses,its music so sweet, i let myself go, why fight a battle you cant win, I tell myself "This is my soliloquy, This are my thoughts" they call my name, they seduce me, they reach for me, arms outstretched holding on.

She/he he/she take your pick stood there looking in the mirror,

do they know what i did?

have i lost my soul?

do i look sexy in this?

do i look paraniod?

The tired eyes and hollow being, if only mirrors could talk? Are you her or him? ever been them?

Is life a lesson to be learnt or survial for the fittest or just simply a test? Have i failed? to survive, to learn and to pass the ultimate test? If i had would i be sad or disappointed.

Will anyone ever see the prints? My prints in the sands of time to come or will they get washed away with tide?

My thoughts are moving to fast, now am wondering what sadness would look like? would it look more like me or more like you?or will it be faceless just emptyness. And happiness? is happiness the aroma of food to a hungry man or roses to a fikkle heart?

I want to say more but my shoulder hurts too much to continue.....

2007-02-02T13:54:00.000-05:00

HERE COMES FOUR EYES.

FInally i decided to stop lying to myself, i do that sometimes, and YES You do it too, stop lying to yourself, so what was i saying yes, i went to the optician to get my glasses fixed, see thing is i had wekad them in my bag and had stepped on the bag and the lens broke. This way back in 2004 for those of you who are laughing and think am as blind as a bat NO i just can see things really well, or read very well, so if i have left comments that were way off now you know why.
Bantu if you dare try suggesting those round rimmed things i shall twanga you senseless. After loosing nearly 10 pairs (i have been wearing glasses since i was in class 8) i have finally decided if i loose this pair i shall pluck*****pluck because it seems i cant for the life of me wear lense***** get contact lenses

That baby is not my glasses but it looks like that tihihi, and the fitting was kazi kidogo due to my small nose so it wount slip when i bend to look down. Now to find a way to ensure i dont leave it in the subway or at some place like that, any hints people and suggesting that i weka a string is not helping.

And Bantu watch this space........

2007-01-25T13:19:00.000-05:00

DEFORESTATION.

This post inspired by the one Ichiena recently my housemates friends came over for a visit***two of them to be exact*** . They both seemed like nice people if the fact that one was a nudist was to be over looked(they stayed for a week such habits are not easy to miss), the other was a shy lil individual who could cook a mean lasagna and i mean the kind that makes your mouth water after that first bite.

Since i was busy and coming home form the library in the hours of midnight and likes, i volonteered my room and was sleeping on the sofa. OK OK maybe it has something to do with the fact that for me to share a bed with another person i have to REALLY REALLY like them. Wacha i disgrees kwanza ebu.

*************************************************************************************

Mimi i have very good sleeping habits yani i lala on one side and when am turning am fully awake that ensures that;
A. I don’t kick.
B. I don’t hog the blanketi.

OK that’s all i can come up with now but it’s a long list, so when i actually agree to let some one into my haven they had better behave****and many dont****. Like zamani erm i mean we once had visitors and my lil sis had to share my bed with me and horrror of HORRORS i wake up feeling like i have a ngunia on me and i can’t move my legs, WAIT i can’t move my head well either LOOKI LOOKI there is a toe in my ear!!!! WTF!!!!. I KICKED so hard she went flying out the bed, the lil rooster had gone and turned my feet into a makeshift pillow and my face a resting place for her feet. Next thing i know there is a scream from the floor and some one jumps on me i was TWANGWAD aki the ngumis that kairetu can pack, the screams woke up kila mtu and i was from that day on, marooned on the couch when visitors came calling. END OF DISGRESSION.

************************************************************************************

It turned out the mama who could cook really well was a nudist in waiting so one day as i was sleeping on my tinsy island i wake up coz someone left the kitchen tap running ***arrgg dont you hate it when a person does that***** and i as i dragged my lazy rump to go funga the tap who do i meet coming out of the bafu!!!!! the cook and she was pithecus, bilas, nada. Yours truly just chuckled to herself and walked on, then the pic registered in her mind, walked back and saw,What me thinks the longest untrimmed grass, futhi, call it what you may and proceeded to laugh her heart out. Si watu woke up to find out what the frukazz was about and viola kwanza my housemate screamed!!!!!! and her friend the nudist joined me on the floor.

When i was able to control my kicheko i asked her, why kwani she wants to beat borats stash of pubic hair, and she says ati she is scared of wembe!!!! and what about waxing? to this she paled and closed the bathroom door.

Anyhew mama it seems thought about our outburst and while in the bafu saw Nair, and after a quick read and finding out that it removes body hair in a max 3 mins proceeded to generously apply it to her Congo forest. She decided to read it as she waited for the 3 mins to isha and somewhere on the bottle she sees this;

"Caution: Do not use in irritated, inflamed or broken skin. Keep away from eyes. Should Nair touch the eyes wash thoroughly with lukewarm water. If irritation occurs consult your physician. Keep away from children. Nair can be used on legs arms face any where except in nose, ears, on breast nipples, perenial or virginal/genital areas."

She screamed a guttural scream and with the hair that was falling off so were her tears there was nothing that we said that consoled her ****it might have had something to do with the fact that we were talking between gulps of laughter***
So later that day off to the physician we went....

2007-01-24T18:24:00.000-05:00

TENANT.

This blog will house a squatter(said with much adoration) untill the said squater can find her own place. So musishangae sana coz there will be two people posting their crap erm gems in the name of thoughts at the same time untill, well i dont know untill when.

p.s I know i promised some one a rant and another one a post on chapo bootcamp and i will write, and on how manukato dude reciprocated is saved some where in the recess of my mind. If i can muster the energy i shall do that post this weekend. Since am going to be jobless soon haitus is up i guess, soo Bantu get ready for "the phoenix new edtion".

2007-01-20T16:42:00.000-05:00

LITTLE F******* MANIPULATORS.

Well it has been quite a rough patch, a new year and it sucks already, i mean its what mid jan and am near pulling the hair out of my head, and who ever said some B*LLS*** about keeping a positive attitude was spewing crap and i SHIT you not, i have tried that for 3 months now and all it does is frustrate you more, smile think that it could have been worse, Hell who i am kidding when i tell myself this? (seriously hun i dont know how you do this but that person you wish me to be can never be) dissappionting but did you expect any less.

And this blog this is never what i wanted for it, and now its out of my control and the control freak in me wants it shut down but some how i like it's something that comes out of me that i refuse to control. See me i have never been the type to talk or write about what bothers me or what am thinking out or what it i would like to do, but lately offlaoding has been neccessary i mean i had not lost my temper in 3 years(my temper is the demon i inheritted from my dad) and last year and just this year twice, tae kwondo practice does not help any more and me thought maybe my sis' idea of writting it out would be good, lets just say i should have known better A. coz its of no use and this is the first time that ia actually doing and some how am getting more pissed as i contuniue to write.

Kwanza some people have shidaz always jumping to tell you "ati you have issues" "why are you like this" kwani how am i supposed to be, am so tired of taking blame for jack stuff that 3/4 of the time i have no idea what the hell it is. I know i can be too effing crude and some times i know i deserve half the shit that comes down my way but sometimes you meet some charaters that just drain you and i mean REALLY drain you and no amount of reason or logic is usefull in dealling with them and when you stoop down to their level, shock of all shock's the names you get called the demon that you all of a sudden become. It even makes you wonder? really that bad truth be told you could be that horrible and that bad and that mean and that cold, but the little F****** manipulator is worse with their thinking that if they make you feel guilty enough you will accept fault that isn't even yours.

So this post here is dedicated to all those LFM(Little F****** Manipulators) out there get real and loose the sheep skin you are just fooling yourselves.

And to a friend i am cold, am calculative, am pessimistic, i always think guilty till rproven innocent, that is me, you knew this even way back then, they say you can never teach an old dog new tricks well try and apply that principle to me. I cant be like you i cant be like him, i cant be like her and i most certaily can never be like them, i can only be me, and if still bothers you sooo STAY THE F*** AWAY FROM ME.

2007-01-04T14:58:00.000-05:00

NEW YEAR????

This post dedicated to Aegues, egm and Unyc. After decideing that it was war, i mean me shopping is stressfull, for me and the person that end up dragging with me to the mall and this time i was going to get stressed all alone, i mean people how can you be soo mean that you desert me in my hour of need? ngojeni tu your time shall come.

23rd fikas and still bilas becuase me being me i procastinated so on the 24th i joined the throng of late shoppers like me who had no idea what it is they wanted, and the number of people has me thinking that there are many many late shoppers in toronto or that they all live for sales.

First stop future shop, i walk in and after seeing all the people i walk out. I head to sears and viola they seem to have a stand for scents, (see this is my speciality i have a nose that has is very good when it comes to colonge and perfume)

And that baby up there i will tell you all male bloggers is SUHWEET!!!!,And might cost a pretty penny and it's what i got and some silverish cufflinks(sp). This was a two hour ordeal coz the people jameni i mean the lines aghhrrrrr(insert very angry here).

Msee after getting his suprise was actually suprised, eti he did not think the troll that is me can have such good taste huh ati what? shindwe!!!!. Needless to say come new year i was suprised.

To be continued

2006-12-29T16:30:00.000-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

The year has come to an end, thank you all who stopped by "the phoneix". This blog has lived longer that it was supposed to have, its has at the most been random thoughts over random ideas. More thoughts on "the phoneix" and its evolving will come after the year is over.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERY ONE.

p.s I got the gift after an enless 2 hour ordeal at the mall, my friends still cant get it when come boxing day i was mteja till jana ;).

2006-12-18T14:28:00.000-05:00

STUCK.

The festive season is here and me being the late shopper, no wait i hate to shop!!!!! which is why i am now in a rush to find and buy a gift for a new friend. Dilema is i dont know the friend well enough to go out any buy something that am sure will be liked or is in tune with their taste ** i have never liked to buy a gift that will collect dust or get buried by the dog****.

Here i am asking for help please help is needed urgently especialy from all of you, At the moment am stuck between getting a book,an mp3 player and an Xbox(the only reason its on the list is coz i want to buy it and keep it for myself). As you can see i have me stuck between a rock and a hard place.

2006-12-10T18:23:00.000-05:00

SUNDAY

Well its a sunday, i woke up at 8 am, this was a miracle seeing as that i went to sleep at 5 am and after watching 2 shaka zulu documentaries my hangoved state seems to be on strike. The cold outside does not bode well for my extreemly sore throat which is as a result of a night of shouting/screaming at some "kenyan concert" and not the dreaded flu, am also saddled with a tongue that is not functional because as i was busy trying to get rid of my pounding head i took a sip nay!!!! a gulp of hot scalding coffee and scald me it did. So i consumed almost 2 litres of ice cream coz i could not taste the blue berry and the coldness kept my tongue appeased.

Even with all this misfourtunes sorounding my sunday i still have hope in a silver linning in the cloud of this here day, ok i lie i am frustrated i have an exam kesho that is driving me nuts literally!!!!!! so i came here to get a wooosah moment and rant politely on my woes, and i also came across this piece here,

Disclaimer: I as a woman find this funny and post this a woman who pride herself in her good sense of humour, any female who feels she is offended by that piece up there should walk into the store that i shall open and buy a copious dose of humour enough said.

2006-12-08T03:55:00.000-05:00

THANK YOU.

Thank you all that remembered even it means you called me at 2 AM to wish me a happy bday, the txt's were too many, i am sure you all got my thank you's.

You have reminded me what it means to have friends and family, that don't only have a good memory but also care alot, i might not always be the mushy and sweet type(GAG) but just this exception, mingi upendo to all of you.

Ok here is how my "special day" was,

1. Woke up at 7 am and was out the house and heading to class by 8:30 am, what can i say but a gal needs a long shower on her special day, tihihi.
2. Had an exam so spent the whole morning in the library reading.
3. Midday sat for the exam and aced it, ok maybe i got # 4 and 7 wrong but what the heck.
4. I have forgten what day it is, thats how bad the exam was by the way, so i grab lunch and head back to the library to finish a paper.
5. Head to work, get the customary bday card, am liking the no fuss bday, and the fact that no one has sprung up and shouted SUPRISE!!!!! and this has nothing to do with the fact that am growing old, i KID YOU NOT.
6. Hit the salon and treat meself, and buy a perfume too, what can i say but that i am a sucker for scents.
7. Ingia the house and viola, SUPRISE!!!!!!!! there is my cousin, my friends and a very big cake and shock of all shocks my pepper spray was ready and in hand, i was very humbed and very well fed. The cake read;

" Troll nursing home, we take care even of trolls, here is a complimentary walking stick
ma'am"

8. Got dressed and went out, the coffee is still messing with my system, but it was a blast.

So there it is, now as i try to sleep, and the gratitude gone ok maybe some is left i dedicate this post to all of you, Thank you again, for being, just the right dose or me.

2006-12-07T17:05:00.000-05:00

TURN A LEAF.

Once awake, its but a new day, a day like any other so why the stirring deep within? oh yeah i turn a leaf today, i turn 25, should i be celebrating or should i be sad, one thing is for sure am glad this year is over. Lessons learnt points taken, i have always looked forwad to adding a year under my belt, sad thing is i dont look like my 25 years, the petiteness and all, and the fact that my face betrays me every time i tell a person my age and i get "you lie".

I stop to look at the mirror damn no lines on this here face, maybe i shall gain some this year.

Having never waxed poetic i dont know where to being, i am but stuck in a limbo, i wish to say so much yet know not where to begin, my life is but in a hanged state, confusing reigns amok, the deleruim has become my normal state, struggles to break free have resulted in wasted breath, wasted time, wasted energy. Awake ye fool, you wallow in self pity for too long, life has no pity for those who sleep or hide their head under the sand, you have a new year to start but a new.

You have gained such thick skin, you feel no more, they wonder why you are so aloof? didn't they inflict those abraisions that made you so thick?.

My name is phoenix, To burn eternaly, Reborn eternaly.

Reborn anew the spirit is fresh it yearns for much, it's but green with much wisdom and knowledge it knows so much yet knows nothing.

The end is so near,
Yet so far.
Twisting and turning,
the smile on your face never fading.
The flames burn so high,
your spirits soar high.
My name is Phoenix,
From ashes risen.

2006-11-30T13:38:00.000-05:00

TO LAUGHTER WE TOAST!!!!

Scene at some pub in Ireland......

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of my wife!!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "What was your toast?"
John said, "Here'sto spending the rest of my life, sitting in church beside my wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "He told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, andthe other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come! ".

AND FOR THE WOMEN.

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden,
God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain," reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc..........she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced" as she put it.

"That is a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away." And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. "Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"
"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight on your part.You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you.. Now let's see............where did I put the useless tit?"

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that story about the rib?????

2006-11-27T17:58:00.000-05:00

TEARS THAT REFUSE TO FLOW.

You sit and brood your mistakes are catching up with you, you wonder if you will ever change?
"people never change, but situations change" isn't what you always say"
So why the sudden need to change?
coz they sit and call you heartless?
cold, brutish, egocentric, a user?
Haven't you learned anything about yourself up until now? you can never please people, you will break you back but still they will not be satisfied.

You shake you head trying to clear away the fog from the past, but you still wonder what has become of you, what happened to little girl who used to like smilling and who thought life was great one great adventure?

You try to shed a tear for her but, yours are tears that refuse to flow..........

2006-11-23T13:28:00.000-05:00

THE DAY THAT WAS.

So am not well, fever, a nasty headache that feels like its the grandmother of all headaches and a feverblister. This is the aftermath of two almost nonrecolletable days yani i dont remember much of those two days. So i woke up leo and decided maybe i should enda hosi and see what is wrong with me.
I walk in, and go to the reception desk, a lady nurse asks me some questiosn that i have been trying to rem for the past 3 hours to no avail.

Lady takes my temperature and trys to pata a pulse, ok now how do i say this, my pulse is very quite yani haipendi kelele mob, so it whispers. Now the nurse was looking at me real funny, so i try to smile but i cant
damn i cant smile!!!!!!!!
my mind goes hyper!!!
then,
Darn it i should have kumbukad to paka my teeth vaseline.
The nurse decides my index finger must be dead and tries to look for a pulse elsewhere, she patas my heart whispering as in saying, yeah am here, now what is it that i can do for you?, but i guess it was too quite for her liking.
she walks back to her desk, talks on the phone, and she comes back to get a reading on my temperature, goes back on the phone tena. At this piont am beyond feeling feverish am feeling like am on fire(come to think of it it must have been the thousdands of clothes on me).
So mimi am seated there lost on thoughts of how to discard my clothes without people thinking me nuts when i see 2 other nurses and a doc walk my way and they have a what do you call those vitanda with wheels in hosi?strecher(sp) well any hoo they had one of those and i was asked if i can get on it. Why i wanted to ask, but i asked this....

DonQ: Are you reffering to me(brain to self of couse its you idiot kwani there is any one else seated here.
Doc: Yes Miss D.
DonQ:There is no need i can walk.

We walk and i am taken to a room and i lala or i think that is what i did.
When i wake up coz the phone next to my bed is ringing,
i look at it,
it looks at me
I ignore it.
It rings again
I pick it up and and listen(what can i say i watch too many movies)
And horror of horros its my cousin who listed herself as next of kin in case of any emergency, now this cousin demon in disguise ok i lie sweet angel ok i lie(i hope you read this and forgive me) started of by asking ME who had a really bad headache, lets call her TLC short for that loco cousin
TLC:What is going on!!! i hear ati uko hosi(this came out so loudly i winced)
DonQ:Who said so?(whats with the dumb questins leo?)
TLC: A nurse called me am listed as the emergency contact remember.
DonQ:They are realising me in an hour so everything is ok.
TLC:Is that what they said well anyways rest i will see you soon.

Dont be mislead, the undertone of sarcasm in her voice it was not only heavy, it actualy made my heart talk out loud(this was partly coz i was mad with the nurse who called her and with myself for not telling the nurse not to call anyone).

I try to farmiliarise with my suroundings hhmm bed, me, everything else seems blurry and my hand stings abit, must be coz of a shot. A minute later a nurse walks in says something about my fever being really high and my heart beat faint, i want to tell him that its not faint but that it likes to be quite, but i hardly think he will find that amusing so i kimya. Tests????

"Did you just says test's?" i ask him, and he says yes, how many? i inquire, i get told just some blood work nothing much, piece of cake i think.
And then in walks this stocky short guy and with the most stern face i have ever seen, dude smiles coz he thinks my eyes are wide coz of the neddle he is holding "this will just sting abit".I shrug my shoulders to indicate i dont care besides it not me am worried about but the neddle(the hands holding it, well maybe not holding it but swallowing it look like they will smash it to pieces).
I lenga looking at the neddle and look at the guy, he some how find this disconcerting coz he misses my vein.
Try number 2 miss.
Try number 3 miss.
Try number 4 miss.
My right hand is swollen beyond recognition, but because i want it all to be over i tell him to try my left hand.
First miss.
Second miss.
He suggest's that i stop looking at him.
I stop.
Third miss.
I suggest we try it another nurse(what i really wanted to say was "go get some oranges and practice tafathali").
As he leaves my angel aka TLC walks in, why do i think she is angry? my head hurts too much to think.
But she is in good health good nagging and shouting at me health she did not shout but she may as well have, she choose to hiss, hiss that i dont care about her at all, now where did this come from? hiss that am a pompous ass, what i ask is a pompous ass? hiss that if i ever did what i just did i will live to regret it, what did i just do?.
Saved by stocky aka the nurse who could not find a vein that was staring him in the face, and he has a new neddle.Ok slow poke lets see what happens this time.
Miss one, (i would have frowned if my head did not hurt so much)
Try's to jab me tena and as i try to say no, my cousins throws dagger looks at me, and luckily this time its not a miss.
2 hours later my blood work is back and i have;
Low blood ph.
lympho blah blah, i ask what that meant in english i was told my white blood cells were to many and they are waging war!!!
A viral infection, i ask what is it and here is the shocker ITS TOO EARLY TO TEll!!!!

Tell who i ask me or the virus?

No they just need to do more blood work!! and treat me with some antibiotics, syrup? no TABLETS.

WHAT TABLETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that was the straw that broke this camels back, i refuse to meza dawa however small or few tablets they maybe be.
1 minute after i hear that i gather my clothes i vaa them and i tell my cousin twende home. She is still to pissed to talk to me but she had the energy to say that if i was found in a mtaro she will not weep, lol. The hosi called i told them to call back when they KNOW what is wrong with me.

p.s If this user does not blog in the recent coming days please notify next of kin ;).

2006-11-16T13:12:00.000-05:00

THE TRIBAL VIOLENCE.

Just a few questions?

1. Does a man who is strong enough to beba(carry) a machete to go and kill his next door neighbour opressed enough yet?

I say no the politicians it seems have not done enough yet, the peopel are still to blind to see that when their so called leader tells thems so and so is against "our people" the said leader is actaully reffering to themselves and not the whole blasted tribe.

2. Ok the neighbour is dead, what is your benefit? land? more food? better education? the list is very long.

Honestly what is some one thinking when they think problems facing them will be majicaly erased because there a few less hungry angry mouths?. As a citizen you loose when you have less people to help you reform the goverment and the so called said leaders. The person who could have stood by you as you shout "fairness for all" is pushing up daises. It's about time we opened our eyes and took off our tribals masks.

3. How do our MP's live with themselves knowing that becasue of their lack of "leadership" many lives are lost?

Same way live when themselves when they squande away money that is meant for their constituents. An MP does not give a rats ass what happens to his/ her constituents so why is it that when they say some dumb statement we the people are quick to jump and agree? Are we so dumb that we get swayed by mare words tumbling out of a "tribemate's mouth?" if that is the case then we are doomed.

I am angry with the people not with the MP's mainly becase unlike the people the MP's are looking out for themselves while the people are busy trying to alianate each other, only when we realise that, if we dont stand up or our selves any one who says that they will represent us is lying to us, will we be able to have all our basic needs as a nation fulfilled. Before you elect any one to represent you in our house of "slumber" first find out what kind of person they are, after all the said MP's lived amongst you once apon a time. Electing a mean spirited man to lead you will only leave you with a mean spirited leader even though the said man is your brother, men dont change becase their fortune changed(getting elected into the said slumber house) they will remain the same. Choose wisely or dont grumble when the cards you delt come back to bite you in your rear.

2006-11-14T22:42:00.000-05:00

ENTER THE GRIM REAPERS

"Election 2007: Radical plans for 94 new MPs
By Standard Reporters
A Government-created constitutional review team proposes to push the number of MPs to a record 316 — 94 more than the current 222.
Of the total, at least 90 would be women, thanks to a generous affirmative action clause aimed at righting "historical wrongs" against women.
Among the radical electoral proposals by a committee of the Multi-Sectoral Forum (MSF) is one for the creation of 20 seats for the youth, people with disabilities, trade unions, ethnic minorities and pastoralists. Of these, 10 seats must also be taken by women as would six of 12 seats currently for nominated MPs. This is according to a document the Multi-Sectoral Steering Committee (MSC) is scheduled to hand over to Justice and Constitutional Affairs minister Martha Karua tomorrow.
The MSC — co-chaired by Kanu politician Dalmas Otieno and Health minister Charity Ngilu — was constituted by Karua to make proposals on how to resolve the contentious issues in the rejected draft constitution of 2005.
The MSC document, a copy of which The Standard has, also recommends that out of the 22 remaining Electoral Commission of Kenya commissioners, at least three be retained for institutional memory.
Christened the "November Package", the proposals have serious implications for the Kenyan taxpayers, who would be asked to fork out a further Sh69 million a month to maintain the new MPs.
Although the raft of proposed constitutional reforms is meant to level the playing field and "right historical wrongs" ahead of next year’s General Election, it is likely to raise the question of whether Kenya can afford the structure of representative democracy it proposes.
The package — expected to be tabled in Parliament this month — is to be presented to the Karua-led MSF tomorrow.
Currently, according to a recent payslip of an ordinary MP (which The Standard has acquired), an MP earns a gross pay of Sh730,000 per month.
An MP’s basic salary is Sh200,000; a minimum commuted mileage of Sh75,000; an entertainment allowance of Sh60,000; an extraneous allowance pegged at Sh30,000; a house allowance of Sh70,000 and a motor vehicle fixed cost of Sh247,000.
With an additional 94 MPs, the parliamentary payroll would amount to at least Sh231.4 million per month.
However, the total amount would be far higher considering that the Vice-President, Official Leader of the Opposition, Ministers, Assistant Ministers, whips and Parliamentary Service Commission (PSC) members are paid extra allowances, sometimes amounting to Sh300,000 each per month.
The reforms package also proposes the entrenchment in the current Constitution of the review process, the independence of ECK and the parliamentary calendar.
The MSC agreed that ECK should have nine commissioners although initially, there was a stalemate on the mode of selecting them.
Later, it was resolved that each of the nine commissioners would be picked by a 75 per cent consensus vote in the Parliamentary Departmental Committee on Administration of Justice and Constitutional Affairs.
Each candidate would then need a 65 per cent majority of all MPs when the names are tabled before the House.
A simple majority would carry the day where two successive votes have yielded no successful candidate.
The current ECK is headed by Mr Samuel Kivuitu and has 28 commissioners.
The Government has been uncomfortable with the current ECK and has ignored Kivuitu’s call for the replacement of commissioners whose terms have expired.
According to the new proposals, interested commissioners would have to apply directly to the Clerk of the National Assembly.
Successful applicants would be in office for only one term of seven years.
If the proposals go through, all future ECK chairmen must have the qualifications of a High Court judge while other commissioners must have at least a university degree.
The vice-chairman would be picked from among the eight remaining commissioners.
The committee also resolved that the next Parliament would have independent candidates — presidential, parliamentary and civic.
However, an independent presidential candidate — like party-nominated presidential aspirants — must be backed by 20,000 registered voters instead of the current 10,000.
Out of the 20,000 voters, 10,000 must be from five constituencies. The aim is to ensure the candidate has a national appeal.
By awarding 90 seats in Parliament to women, Kenya would be emulating other East African countries.
Tanzania has reserved 75 seats for women in a Parliament of 320 MPs, while Uganda has 69 seats for women, with five each for the youth, people with disabilities and workers. Uganda has 319 MPs.
In Kenya, there would be 74 women district representatives, 10 women seats for youth, people with disabilities, trade unions, ethnic minorities and pastoralists and six nominated women MPs, bringing the total number of women MPs to 90.
Women would also be allowed to contest the normal constituency seats as well, which would raise their numbers beyond the 90-mark.
The 74 women district representatives would be picked through an Electoral College at the district level through district party lists.
The 20 seats for special groups would also be picked through a national Electoral College but within the special groups only."

I read that leo from the standard and am so mad i cant even explain it.

1. Why more mp's coz teh average kenyan who is living near the poverty line can afford to pay more taxes so that some one can sleep in the parliament?
2. Affarmative action MY FOOT!!!!!!!
3.What have the present mp's done? NOTHING!!!!! except steal yes STEAL from the mwananchi left right and center.

"An MP’s basic salary is Sh200,000; a minimum commuted mileage of Sh75,000; an entertainment allowance of Sh60,000; an extraneous allowance pegged at Sh30,000; a house allowance of Sh70,000 and a motor vehicle fixed cost of Sh247,000.
With an additional 94 MPs, the parliamentary payroll would amount to at least Sh231.4 million per month."
Yani pay that to an individual when at the same time you have countless dying of diseases from lack of proper medical care, or dying from hunger and malnutrition? it is not only mean its incomprehensible. Shocking aspect thsi is being done to us by our LEADERS, what are they leading us to DEATH!!!!!

P.s To be continued......

2006-11-09T18:50:00.000-05:00

AS THE END DRAWS.........

Well finaly the day is over, but unlike most days when you have wished many many bad things happen to all those who have irked you in the least bit albeit in whispers. Funny thing is i really never got pissed just irritated, funny thing this having patience with humanity.

And here it is,

The twist that had even me, who thought she had seen it all!!!!!!!!!! kumbe

I walk...... nay i dray my feet to the subway,

Wondering why today the steps seem to many.

Wait for the damn thing to arrive,

Five minutes later i think if i frown any harder the skin on my forehead will rip.

Open seseme and as i walk in some jamma is blocking my way, looking at me, no staring NO gawking, Now dont go getting me wrong like any female i like getting looked at, but gawked AT!!! i dont appreciate. Seriously and giving someone a once over yani kumwangalia mtu from kichwa mpaka miguu sio polite, not that am the polite kind. This fools friend decides to help him out as though the perv needed any help with the way he was looking at me.

Being in no mood to let all the curses running through my mind come out through my mdomo i step back to let them pass, and yes maybe after watching the news and seeing all those offenders realsed into society its better this way. Lakini wapi,no movement from the 2 zombies at this point the vein on my temple is throbbing and pulsing it feels like a hammer add that to the fact that half the people in the train are looking at me and my odd "admirers".

Should i just knock some sense in this fool, seeing a black eye develope will give me soo much joy i think. Deep in my mind this scene plays over......

Will the defendant please rise!!!!!
Reluctantly I rise up accused of teaching manners no, knocking sense into oen who wanted nothing to do with the said sense and getting ma ass shipped of to some jela.

No woooossaaaahh something says in the recess of my mind.

And then the speaker in the train goes "would those monkeys keeping the door open move please" And poof!!!! goes the smile on the pervs face.

I almost laugh, but no this situation does not require laughter.

I just walk in and sit down and think just when i thought the hex was over, damn.

Now am thinking maybe i should weka those Iron doors seeing as dumb and dummber could be dangerous.

2006-11-09T14:33:00.001-05:00

HAVE I BEEN HEXED?.

Leo has been a very trying day for my newly aquired patience(aquired coz mine is always on a very short leashe). Mistake numero uno!!!!! i let my housmate/pain in the neck talk me into waiting for her bad bad idea, i have never seen a person change clothes so many times yet still find fault with what they decide to wear in the end. So i got to work 20 minutes late and there i was working on showing up on time, damn.

Get into my tiny cubicle sit and viola paper work the size to give me a mild heart attack, my manager walks in and say's some thing to the likes of "most of this was supposed to have gone to head office on monday." I try very hard not to ask what i was to do with that little info she just handed over, but tongue in cheek i just nod and hope she gets hit with the worst luck this side of hell.

What to do work on this or the assignment that is half way done shyt!!!!! i work on my assignment, lenga lunch and now i have so many paper cuts on my hands they feel sore.

my shift is over now, i have to head over to class, i wonder what the stuck up proff is going to say today?

2006-11-08T15:06:00.000-05:00

HI.

Hi there new home, i vacated the last one after some one read my old blog even after i had told them countless times to stay AWAY!!!!!!!!. you may not be as safe as the other one, let's just hope they get the message and keep their prying eyes to themselves, otherwise i shall just quit blogging all together(not that am a serious blogger, but quiting should come from me not from some snoppy peeping mary who has the habits of a troll!!!!!.

p.s my apologies to all the trolls out there who had to be compared to the ogre mentioned above.